The Facts Behind The Excitable Chipmunk Scare Of 2007: What You Need To Know by thegreatElder
October 10, 2022 On August 31, 2007, professional scientist George La George, a scientist specializing in the eventual end of the world, announced…
A Fierce Debate Over Magical Elves Threatens To Tear Humanity Apart by thegreatElder
August 19, 2022 On July 28th, 2022, professional speaker and self-appointed “inspiration liaison” William Wellington gave a profound and somewhat startling speech. His…
14 Ways To Brighten Your Days! by thegreatElder
August 12, 2022 This day and age, most people have sad lives. In fact, recent studies have shown that literally everyone in the…
Crazy Tomato Eaters Are A Real Threat…And They’re Not Going Away by Bobbert Gregorowitz
August 8, 2022 Tomatoes are commonly seen around many a grocery store, restaurant, or garden. And to some, this may seem perfectly ordinary,…
Well-Known Cat Smudge “The Pudge” Wins The Lottery!! by thegreatElder
August 4, 2022 This article stars Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski and his son, Smudge “The Pudge” Ankowski. If you haven’t heard of them…
Famous Celebrity Garcia Gloppenhaus Recently Voted President Of The Universe! by thegreatElder
June 28, 2022 Everyone who’s anyone knows about Garcia Gloppenhaus, famous politician and celebrity. Howtofornitwits.com has even covered an article with her in…
Officials Panic As Widespread Reports Of Losing Focus Are More Common by thegreatElder
June 8, 2022 On May 30th, 2022, officials worldwide made it clear: something was definitely up. For weeks before then, many ordinary citizens…
The Meaning Of Life, As Told By Gilbert Ferdcyfull by thegreatElder
May 24, 2022 Hi, you wonderful readers! I’m Gilbert Ferdcyfull, a professional journalist! And when I say professional, I really mean professional! In…
The Neglected Son Of Sir Wonderful Demands Respect! by thegreatElder
May 17, 2022 Everyone who’s anyone knows that Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is the world’s most famous and important living thing ever. (If…
A Lack Of Cilantro Is Leading To The World’s Destruction! by thegreatElder
May 11, 2022 Everyone who’s anyone knows that on May 5th, 2022, scientists announced that the world is scheduled to be destroyed very…
A New Course Offered at Harvard! (And it’s not on Taylor Swift) by thegreatElder
May 6, 2022 Hold onto your hats, folks! In a shocking new statement on Number 3 News, it was announced that a new…
A Shocking Discovery Regarding Brownies by thegreatElder
April 26, 2022 Breaking news! Number 3 News has just reported something astonishing, which threw the world into tumult! At midnight last night,…
A Ruckus In Massachusetts by thegreatElder
April 20, 2022 Well, folks, Inky Ankowski has acquired a new title: trendsetter! After Inky’s purchase of all existence, others have set out…
Supersized Monstrosity Devours City In Just Three Bites! by thegreatElder
April 19, 2022 On April 18th, 2022, a hulking monstrosity devoured a city in just three bites. “Really, it was very terrifying to…
An Important Quiz About Everything That Matters by thegreatElder
April 12, 2022 These days, there are too many incidents of people not listening to, or not understanding important things. And of course,…
Excitable Nitwits Are The New Biggest Threat Facing Humanity by thegreatElder
April 9, 2022 In the past, there have been various obstacles for humans to survive and get through: predators, starvation, weather, disease, and…
Want A Fantabulous Makeover? Just Ask Charlotte Von Sugarswatter by thegreatElder
April 3, 2022 Charlotte Von Sugarswatter is a well-known celebrity, whose life work is helping others look their best. Literally everyone who’s anyone…
Mrs. O’Reary: A Wonderful Lady by thegreatElder
April 2, 2022 How large is the largest sailboat? How small is that smallest topiary? How medium-sized is the most medium-sized calligraphy pen?…
Sir Wonderful Is Now Officially The Only Thing That Exists by thegreatElder
March 29, 2022 Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is the world’s first and only trillionaire, and has more influence over the world than anyone…
A Yacht Found Is A Yacht Lost: Smudge’s Boat Reappears by thegreatElder
March 24, 2022 The trillionaire Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski finds the multi-million-dollar yacht previously given to his son in the harbor of Morro Bay.
The First-Ever Article Written By A Nitwit Has Been Documented by thegreatElder
March 21, 2022 How To For Nitwits, the website known to help nitwits, has made plenty of progress in regards to helping nitwits…
Are You A Nitwit? Find Out Here! by thegreatElder
March 19, 2022 Since the beginning of time, it’s been obvious that some people are nitwits, and others aren’t. But unfortunately, sometimes it’s…
Trillionaire Cat Turns Over A New Leaf…And His Pathetic Child Misplaces It by thegreatElder
March 8, 2022 Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski, the world’s first trillionaire, has been on trial many times for stealing from his son, Smudge…
How To Move: A Guide For Nitwits by thegreatElder
March 6, 2022 Are you a poor, sad nitwit struggling with life? Although How To For Nitwits is making a gigantic, glorious, and…
The Best Way To Improve Brainpower Is Tacos by thegreatElder
March 4, 2022 The Best Way To Improve Brainpower Is Tacos: An Opinion Piece By Gilbert Ferdcyfull Have you ever noticed your brain…
Strange Lights In The Sky, AKA Demons, Here To Devour Us by thegreatElder
February 28, 2022 Have you ever noticed the strange lights in the sky? The ones that come out only in the night? These…
Proven Ways To Get Less Distracted Quickly by thegreatElder
February 24, 2022 This day and age, it’s very easy to get distracted. Whether it’s something you’re reading, watching, or even making, you…
Lifetime Supply Of Waffles by thegreatElder
February 20, 2022 Hooray! By clicking the link, you have received a lifetime supply of waffles! Good for you.
Bob’s Problems: A Very, Very, Very Long Article by thegreatElder
February 20, 2022 Hello, amazing and dedicated viewers of howtofornitwits.com! Today it is Ferdsy “Sorta Acceptable” Johnson with your breaking news. In the…
What Do You Collect? For One, It’s Beetles and Enchiladas by thegreatElder
February 16, 2022 Most people collect one thing or another – coins, stamps, or maybe something a little bit stranger. But Jellie Smith…
A Very Professional Archeological Discovery About Nitwits vs. Non-nitwits by thegreatElder
February 10, 2022 On Tuesday, January 11, 2022, British archeologist Nigel Nigglebottom made an extraordinary discovery about nitwits and non-nitwits that will uncover…
Flaming Hot Jellybeans… The Newest Craze by thegreatElder
February 9, 2022 In rural Mississippi, jellybeans are a food staple. In most families, children must eat at least 1 gallon of jellybeans…
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski’s Tips And Tricks For Glory by thegreatElder
February 9, 2022 Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is well-known for his famous company, Luscious Richness. Because of this, many have asked him, “How…
Inky’s Tips For Throwing The Biggest Bash On The Wonderful Block by thegreatElder
January 30, 2022 Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is here to help with all aspects of planning and throwing a party, so your bash will be remembered forever.
Fish Feet: Everything You Need To Live A Great Life by thegreatElder
January 29, 2022 Because of the pandemic, lots of people have acquired new hobbies. But one hobby is a little bit stranger than all the rest…fish feeting.
A Group Of Nitwits Go Against How To For Nitwits! by thegreatElder
January 25, 2022 On January 18 of 2022, a group of clearly unintelligent nitwits discovered the existence of howtofornitwits.com and considered it an “insult.”
Coyote vs. Squirrel – One Town’s Race For Mayor by thegreatElder
January 19, 2022 In the small town of Springle, Idaho, citizens are eager for a new mayor. So, after a long three weeks of election campaigns, the top two candidates have emerged, and they’re not who you would expect.
A Riot of Confused Nitwits Fill Central Park! by thegreatElder
January 9, 2022 On January 8th, 2022, the New York Police Department was alerted of a large crowd gathering in Central Park. They were surprised to realize that it was entirely nitwits.
World’s First Trillionaire… A Cat? by thegreatElder
January 5, 2022 Recently, the professional business-cat, Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski has become the world’s first and only trillionaire.
On August 31, 2007, professional scientist George La George, a scientist specializing in the eventual end of the world, announced…
On July 28th, 2022, professional speaker and self-appointed “inspiration liaison” William Wellington gave a profound and somewhat startling speech. His…
This day and age, most people have sad lives. In fact, recent studies have shown that literally everyone in the…
Tomatoes are commonly seen around many a grocery store, restaurant, or garden. And to some, this may seem perfectly ordinary,…
This article stars Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski and his son, Smudge “The Pudge” Ankowski. If you haven’t heard of them…
Everyone who’s anyone knows about Garcia Gloppenhaus, famous politician and celebrity. Howtofornitwits.com has even covered an article with her in…
On May 30th, 2022, officials worldwide made it clear: something was definitely up. For weeks before then, many ordinary citizens…
Hi, you wonderful readers! I’m Gilbert Ferdcyfull, a professional journalist! And when I say professional, I really mean professional! In…
Everyone who’s anyone knows that Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is the world’s most famous and important living thing ever. (If…
Everyone who’s anyone knows that on May 5th, 2022, scientists announced that the world is scheduled to be destroyed very…
Hold onto your hats, folks! In a shocking new statement on Number 3 News, it was announced that a new…
Breaking news! Number 3 News has just reported something astonishing, which threw the world into tumult! At midnight last night,…
Well, folks, Inky Ankowski has acquired a new title: trendsetter! After Inky’s purchase of all existence, others have set out…
On April 18th, 2022, a hulking monstrosity devoured a city in just three bites. “Really, it was very terrifying to…
These days, there are too many incidents of people not listening to, or not understanding important things. And of course,…
In the past, there have been various obstacles for humans to survive and get through: predators, starvation, weather, disease, and…
Charlotte Von Sugarswatter is a well-known celebrity, whose life work is helping others look their best. Literally everyone who’s anyone…
How large is the largest sailboat? How small is that smallest topiary? How medium-sized is the most medium-sized calligraphy pen?…
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is the world’s first and only trillionaire, and has more influence over the world than anyone…
The trillionaire Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski finds the multi-million-dollar yacht previously given to his son in the harbor of Morro Bay.
How To For Nitwits, the website known to help nitwits, has made plenty of progress in regards to helping nitwits…
Since the beginning of time, it’s been obvious that some people are nitwits, and others aren’t. But unfortunately, sometimes it’s…
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski, the world’s first trillionaire, has been on trial many times for stealing from his son, Smudge…
Are you a poor, sad nitwit struggling with life? Although How To For Nitwits is making a gigantic, glorious, and…
The Best Way To Improve Brainpower Is Tacos: An Opinion Piece By Gilbert Ferdcyfull Have you ever noticed your brain…
Have you ever noticed the strange lights in the sky? The ones that come out only in the night? These…
This day and age, it’s very easy to get distracted. Whether it’s something you’re reading, watching, or even making, you…
Hello, amazing and dedicated viewers of howtofornitwits.com! Today it is Ferdsy “Sorta Acceptable” Johnson with your breaking news. In the…
Most people collect one thing or another – coins, stamps, or maybe something a little bit stranger. But Jellie Smith…
On Tuesday, January 11, 2022, British archeologist Nigel Nigglebottom made an extraordinary discovery about nitwits and non-nitwits that will uncover…
In rural Mississippi, jellybeans are a food staple. In most families, children must eat at least 1 gallon of jellybeans…
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is well-known for his famous company, Luscious Richness. Because of this, many have asked him, “How…
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is here to help with all aspects of planning and throwing a party, so your bash will be remembered forever.
Because of the pandemic, lots of people have acquired new hobbies. But one hobby is a little bit stranger than all the rest…fish feeting.
On January 18 of 2022, a group of clearly unintelligent nitwits discovered the existence of howtofornitwits.com and considered it an “insult.”
In the small town of Springle, Idaho, citizens are eager for a new mayor. So, after a long three weeks of election campaigns, the top two candidates have emerged, and they’re not who you would expect.
On January 8th, 2022, the New York Police Department was alerted of a large crowd gathering in Central Park. They were surprised to realize that it was entirely nitwits.
Recently, the professional business-cat, Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski has become the world’s first and only trillionaire.