The Facts Behind The Excitable Chipmunk Scare Of 2007: What You Need To Know

On August 31, 2007, professional scientist George La George, a scientist specializing in the eventual end of the world, announced a shocking discovery in his field. But you probably already know that. What you don’t know, though, is the story behind it. Read on to find out the truth from me, Chinchilla Gourmet, a wonderful and splendiferous news reporter.

Hi fellow humans. I'm a very credible scientist specializing in the demise of humanity. Based on my studies based in The University Of Educational Stuff, entertaining chipmunks are a threat to humanity and the world will likely end due to them and their entertaining faces.

— Scientist George La George (@ScientistGeorg1) September 11, 2022

This shocking discovery, made possible by rich donors to the University Of Educational Stuff (one of which was me, Chinchilla Gourmet!), caused a spiral of natural and unnatural disasters, known now as the Excitable Chipmunk Scare of 2007.

Many people believed La George, which heightened the tension and fear. Christina Ellenburg, a random townsperson, said,

“Scientist George La George is a very credible scientist. His name is George. We should believe his studies. They’re probably true.”

– Christina Ellenburg, a random townsperson

At first, many townspeople, like Ellenburg, believed the studies. But with this belief, they realized, the must soon do something about it.

Some chose to hunt chipmunks, causing the chipmunk population to go down by 33 percent. (Or possibly 0.33 percent. Or possibly 100 percent. No one is quite sure.) Others simply chose to attempt to “un-excite” the chipmunks, (a technical term used by scientists meaning to make less excited) by catching many and forcing them to watch paint dry. This only seemed to make them more excited, though, which became worrying for the ordinary citizens who believed George La George.

After about 3 years of the ordinary townspeople’s attempts to make the chipmunks less of a threat, disasters began to occur. Stories passed down tell tales of horrible chipmunk-shaped tsunamis, tornadoes, and hurricanes. Also told are stories of the ghosts of chipmunks coming to give nightmares.

In 2011, ordinary townspeople began to bore of the everyday occurrence of tsunamis, tornadoes, and hurricanes. They even began to bore of the frequent hauntings. So, they went to the source, and began to demand answers from Scientist George La George.

Here’s what they found out.

• Scientist George La George fled to Switzerland immediately after tweeting about chipmunks being a threat
• Scientist George La George’s last name isn’t “La George” – it’s just George. He added the “La” to make him sound more interesting
• Excitable Chipmunks aren’t even a threat at all – they’re harmless!

After getting the answers, though, not everyone was convinced. People were so passionately believing in the idea that excitable chipmunks really are a threat, that the idea that they weren’t was just impossible. They were so passionate, in fact, that they wrote letters to Scientist George La George. (And really, who even wrote letters by 2007? Like, honestly, texting was invented by then. They had to be very passionate.)

Unfortunately, many of the letters were lost in the Great, Disastrous, Definitely Accidental Letter-Burning Of 2011, so not much is known about them at all.

But even though we might not know everything, after reading this article, written by me, Chinchilla Gourmet, like the studious individual you are, you can rest assured that you know everything there is to know, and ever would be to know, about the Excitable Chipmunk Scare of 2007. Bye now!