The Meaning Of Life, As Told By Gilbert Ferdcyfull
Hi, you wonderful readers! I’m Gilbert Ferdcyfull, a professional journalist! And when I say professional, I really mean professional! In fact, I wrote a whole opinion piece on How To For Nitwits, called “The Best Way To Improve Brainpower Is Tacos!“
Anyways, enough about me! Let’s get onto the article! Well, really, this whole article is about me…According to my editors, this is an opinion piece. Although, really, I would prefer if you referred to it is a thoughtful expression of professional ideas. And my thoughtful expression of professional ideas is on The Meaning of Life.
What is the meaning of life?
Since the beginning of time, philosophers have wondered and debated about the meaning of life. But only last month did the meaning actually become clear.
“The meaning of life is very simple,” an anonymous genius, (aka me, Gilbert), said. “The meaning of life is actually not complicated at all. It’s very straightforward, simple, uncomplicated, uninvolved, and very, very, very, very, very, very, incredibly understandable.”
Honestly, the meaning of life is so obvious to the anonymous genius (again, just to clarify, me), that it seems unbelievable that anyone would wonder about it for even an instant. The meaning of life is so obvious, clear, understandable, plain, evident, apparent, unmistakable, and distinct that it seems to me no one could possibly ever be questioning it.
Me, being the anonymous genius Gilbert Ferdcyfull that I am, have even made an informative video on the topic of the meaning of life.
After watching that informative video, I’m sure you understand completely. But if not, I, being the anonymous genius that I am, will further explain. (In the biz, it’s called assisting nitwits in forming simple conclusions.)
“The meaning of life is an important thing for everyone to accept and understand. So, for all you nitwits out here, here’s the simple answer: Encyclopedias! Yes, encyclopedias are the meaning of life!”
– An anonymous genius, aka Gilbert Ferdcyfull
I can practically see you now, your mouth hanging open and your eyes wide with shock. Maybe you’re even jumping up and down and screaming at the top of your lungs. Well, no matter your reaction, it’s all true. Me, being the honorable Gilbert Ferdcyfull AKA anonymous genius I am, would never lie, even if this is technically an opinion essay.
What does this knowledge mean for humanity?
Now that the knowledge of the meaning of life is out to the public, what does this mean for everyone? Well, scientists hypothesize that there are three main options:
- Option #1: All of society falls apart, forgetting day-to-day life and instead brutally fighting each other for encyclopedias. Life is a nightmare, and it is every person for themselves.
- Option #2: Encyclopedias become honored and worth more than gold. Owners of libraries, book stores, and publishing companies become rich beyond belief and everyone else is stuck in poverty forever.
- Option #3: Although very unlikely, it is possible that nothing will ever change. Everyone will continue with their lives, reading How To For Nitwits articles and gossip on Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski.
I’m pretty sure it’s 42.
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