Famous Celebrity Garcia Gloppenhaus Recently Voted President Of The Universe!
Everyone who’s anyone knows about Garcia Gloppenhaus, famous politician and celebrity. Howtofornitwits.com has even covered an article with her in it, “Coyote vs. Squirrel – One Town’s Race For Mayor.” If you haven’t read this article before, be sure to check it out first!
Gloppenhaus’s Life Story
Garcia Gloppenhaus grew up in Springle, Idaho – a familiar town for fans of How To For Nitwits. There, she worked as an clown in her family’s circus until she was thirty-five. She was content with her life, until she finally realized that she was meant for something more. Something much more.
So of course, she ran for mayor of Springle, Idaho.
Gloppenhaus worked very hard on her campaign – much harder than some of her competitors. In fact, she even went to the effort of putting up TWO whole posters! Can you believe it? No one else who was running put up nearly that many.
But despite all her efforts, she did not win the election. Neither did she the next time she ran, or the next. Finally, after ten years of running for mayor without results, she decided it wasn’t meant for her. On the topic, she said,
“After I lost the election for the third time, I told myself I’d try one more time. An’ guess what? I lost! A coyote got the position instead o’ me! So I decided there are better things I could do with my life.”
– Garcia Gloppenhaus
And what better things Gloppenhaus intended to do have recently become apparent. In fact, Gloppenhaus has recently been voted President Of The Universe.
How Did This Happen?
If Gloppenhaus has already been voted president, the question is: how did this happen? It seems that most of the universe’s population was not even aware there was an election for this, let alone that Gloppenhaus won.
“It all happened very fast,” said Gloppenhaus. “One day I just decided, ‘Hey, I’m gonna be president of the universe! So then I made signs that said when to vote, and where to vote, and I waited!”
Unfortunately, most likely due to the lack of information on the poster, only one person showed up to vote. His name was Rufus, and he was a chihuahua – a tough chihuahua, who is very serious about politics.
On the topic, Rufus said,
“I am Rufus the chihuahua. I am a very tough chihuahua. I am a chihuahua who is very serious about politics.”
– Rufus the chihuahua, a tough chihuahua who is very serious about politics
Now that you understand a lot about Rufus, it must be understood that since he was the only one who showed up to vote, and since there was no one else running for the position of President of the Universe, Gloppenhaus was in a very tricky situation.
“The thing about it was, no one was runnin’ against me!” said Gloppenhaus. “So I couldn’t even ‘ave two options on the ballot. So I decided to make it very simply: Do you want me as the president or not?”
The Election Results
After the chihuahua voted, Gloppenhaus tallied up the results. She had won! The chihuahua, faced with two options on the ballot: “Yes” or “Maybe Later” had chosen the former. Gloppenhaus was officially president of the universe.
So what does this mean for the future? Gloppenhaus has a few thoughts on the matter.
“Well, firstly I gotta get everyone to realize that I’m the president, ‘cuz I don’t think too many people know that right now. Once that happens, then I’ll go from there.”
– Garcia Gloppenhaus
So yes, while there are some who know of our new president, many do not. It may be difficult for Gloppenhaus to even get people to except the facts, but she’s confident that eventually she will. And even though there is nothing we can do to change the election results, Gloppenhaus would like to give everyone the opportunity to vote on the same type of ballot Rufus the chihuahua got to, in hopes that with more votes, she will more easily be able to persuade the government to understand that she is president. Please fill out this ballot for a chance to be awesome!
Why is there a picture of a dog, again? As I advocated previously, please replace all dog pictures with ones of Inky “Sir Wonderful”, even if he is not in the article. Dogs are so unattractive. This woman should maybe be president of the universe later, once Inky is consulted.
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