A Very Professional Archeological Discovery About Nitwits vs. Non-nitwits
On Tuesday, January 11, 2022, British archeologist Nigel Nigglebottom made an extraordinary discovery about nitwits and non-nitwits that will uncover a layer of history that we have not yet explored. And all because of his choice of location.
Instead of heading for the legendary pyramids of Egypt or Kush or the elusive site of Mohenjodaro, Nigglebottom decided to begin his excavation in a small California town, one which is best known for one of its inhabitants, the world’s first trillionaire, Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski.
Nigglebottom is quoted as saying,
“Other archeologists can go dig in the dirt, sure! But they’ll get filthy! I find something much more powerful in going into people’s homes. Sometimes the most fascinating historical artifacts are right under your nose.”
– Nigel Nigglebottom
Despite the more famous site of Sir Wonderful’s home, Nigglebottom decided to search the home of another subject he found interesting, the Boorujy-Simon family. While Nigglebottom himself thinks of himself as an archeologist, he is technically classified as a robber, and has an extensive criminal record. While the family was out, Nigglebottom not-so-subtly threw a rock at their window, and climbed up a ladder to get in. This was the site of his amazing discovery.
Prowling the home he found extraordinary evidence that non-nitwits inhabited the house. One piece of evidence were the books.
From the extensive amount of reading material found in the home, Nigglebottom concluded that the inhabitants were the last people you would call Nitwits. In fact, they even had his favorite book, Cat in a Hat! But the most shocking discovery was the fact that a Nitwit had been there before him. He found this out by locating this historical sign, made a day before Nigglebottom arrived.
The family eventually returned, and Nigglebottom was arrested for breaking and entering, robbery, and being foolish. He is currently writing letters from his cell trying to convince a museum to take possession of the sign as he is convinced it will make him go down in history as the greatest archeologist ever.
So…what was Nigglebottom’s discovery? Perhaps it was this: If you break into someone’s home, steal things, and be foolish, you will be caught and arrested. But most of all, don’t be foolish.
How outrageous! How to for Nitwits is the best!
I know, right?!