A Riot of Confused Nitwits Fill Central Park!

On January 8th, 2022, the New York Police Department was alerted of a large crowd gathering in Central Park. Police officials did not hurry to the scene, thinking it wouldn’t be too serious.

According to Officer Patricia Lopez, one of the officers at the station, “When the call came, no one really wanted to go. We didn’t really take it seriously, I guess.” If they had known what had been waiting for them, that probably wouldn’t have been the case.

When a team of only five officers finally came to the scene, the crowd was enormous. After more than ten minutes of confusion, the officers realized that the crowd was entirely nitwits. “It was mainly because they didn’t make sense to anyone but Jeff, but we all know that Jeff is a nitwit anyway,” Patricia said. Jeff is one of the officers at the New York Police Department.

Many of the officers tried to figure out what the nitwits were wanting with their riot. Patricia, it seems, was the only one who figured it out. “I eventually realized that there wasn’t really a reason for the nitwits to be out there. It was pretty strange to come to that conclusion,” she said.

“The nitwits who were out there were only there because they were confused. They didn’t have a reason to be there, and they didn’t even know why they were there at all.”

– Officer Patricia Lopez

After coming to this conclusion, the officers couldn’t just leave the nitwits there. They would need help getting home. Knowing this, the officers took the nitwits out of the park, and sent them, perhaps randomly, to the messiest homes around New York.

“Our reasoning for this was simply because everyone knows nitwits have messy homes. I mean, just look at Jeff’s house and you’ll know that,” Patricia said.

Although the officers could get everything under control quickly, situations like this really do leave a mark. While How To For Nitwits and other individuals are working to help nitwits, this incident shows there is still plenty of work to be done. By reaching out to the nitwits around you and showing them all the great resources there are to help them, you are doing your part in working for this cause.