Eating is an extremely complicated process, especially for nitwits. Because of this, the How To For Nitwits company has made a detailed, very specific presentation to teach you and all the nitwits around you, how.
Step 1: Find Some Food
(Author’s Note: Finding food is very important, because food is what you eat. If you were to try to eat anything other than food, it would not be good.)
Start by transporting your body from its current location to a complicated device known as a refrigerator. From there, use your hand (the strange object on the end of your arm) to open the refrigerator door. Make sure that your eyes are open, and then choose a food that sounds good to you. If you choose a food that doesn’t sound good to you, your body might naturally find it disgusting (like, say, if the food is olives or tomatoes. These foods are naturally disgusting to everyone who’s anyone, and in effect, they will make you barf). Anyways, the moral is this: find a food that you would actually want to taste, chew, swallow, and put into your body. (Under no circumstances should that food be olives or tomatoes. Especially not olives. They are often referred to as poison to the mind, body, and soul.)
One food that sounds good to everyone that actually exists is waffles. Since nitwits might have trouble accessing one food source or another, click here for a lifetime supply of waffles.
Step 2: Get The Food Into Your Mouth
To start, make sure that you are still holding the food, and make sure that you’re holding it securely so that it doesn’t fall out of your hand. Slowly, lift your hand close to your mouth and hold it there. Once you feel ready to go to the next step, carefully use your jaw muscles to open your mouth. This may feel strange at first, but don’t worry. Next, keep your mouth open, and put the food inside.
Step 3: Chew and Swallow
Start by closing your mouth. Then, with your mouth still closed, move your teeth up and down in a mashing motion. Keep doing this until the food is completely mashed.
Once you are ready, use your throat muscles to pull the food down into your throat. This will be very hard, so it may take you a few tries.
Step 4: Repeat!
Remember, the more you practice this the better you will get at it. So keep trying, because not only is it a good skill to have in life, it’s a necessary skill too. Every time you start to feel like it, do these steps again. You’ll continue to get better at them, and it will be easier. No olives allowed, though!!!