How To For Nitwits: How To Stop Yourself From Dying
Nitwits struggle with a lot of basic concepts that normal people already understand. One of the most difficult and most important of those concepts is how to have the basic skills necessary to stay alive. There are many very important ways that you can keep yourself alive, so the How To For Nitwits company has listed as many as possible so that a nitwit is still able to comprehend them.
#1: Breathe
What is breathing? Well, normal people know how to naturally, but nitwits occasionally get confused. Basically, breathing is when you get air into your lungs. It is important to continue doing this every second of the day, because if you don’t, it may be fatal.
Luckily for you, we have many helpful tips for you to keep in mind while learning to breath. To start breathing, open your mouth. Keep it open, and use it to pull air from around you inside of your mouth and into your lungs. Once you have done that, keep your mouth open, and push the air you just pulled in back out through your mouth. Repeat these helpful steps throughout the day, and at night too. Remember to focus more on your breath if you start to feel like you’re not doing so well. Even if it may feel unnecessary to your nitwit brain, breathing is an incredibly important task for all nitwits (and non-nitwits) to do constantly.
#2: Drink Water
Drinking water is very important, because for a human to survive they must drink water often. It is a skill much like eating, and it may take a while before you can fully complete this task.
Start by looking around your home for a fixture like the one shown on the right. Once you find it, get a cup, hold it under the faucet, and pull or twist the handle so that water comes out. Once you have water, carefully bring the cup to your mouth. The first few times you do this, you may accidentally spill water. Keep practicing and this should get easier. Next, carefully use your jaw muscles to open your mouth, just like you do when eating, Once you are ready, slowly tip the glass backwards so that gravity pulls the water down, into your mouth. It’s okay if this is hard at first or if you spill. After you get this part done, swallow by pulling the water from your mouth down into your throat.
Keep practicing this, not only because it’s good to have the skill, but also because it’s necessary. Try to drink water often.
#3: Do Not Let Yourself Burn Or Freeze
For your own safety, it is highly suggested by professionals that you do not let yourself burn or freeze. If you were to allow this to happen, it would not be good.
To start: Burning is when your body gets too hot and you possibly catch on fire. Freezing, on the other hand, is when your body gets too cold and you possibly turn into a large block of ice, which, like burning, is not that enjoyable.
Burning happens near objects, such as a fire, that are very hot. If you touch the fire, you will get a burn. Serious burns are when you touch the fire for a long time, or your whole body catches on fire. Freezing, on the other hand, happens in very, very cold places, such as the Arctic, Alaska, Antartica, and other places that start with the letter “A.” In other words, avoid all countries, states, counties, cities, neighborhoods, and streets that start with “A,” including but not limited to Arkansas, Arizona, Alabama, Apollo Beach, Amsterdam, Athens, Asbury Lake, Albuquerque, and Albertville. Honestly, you will thank me later.
#4: Sleep
Believe it or not, sleep is important for you. If you stay awake for days and days, you will go insane and possibly die. Although nitwits seem partially insane to some people already, you would be surprised to see them when they haven’t slept for 72 hours! To sleep, start by laying down somewhere comfortable. The optimum time for sleep is at night, when it is very dark. Next, close your eyes. Make sure you’re breathing, and lay there until morning, when the sun rises. It may sound very strange to the common nitwit, but this is how you sleep. Normal people sleep, and if you want to stay alive and not be insane, you must. Important Note: While sleeping, you must continue to breath. Although multitasking like this sounds very difficult, it is necessary in staying alive and not going insane. With practice, it will get easier. Or it might not. Please do not sue How To For Nitwits if sleeping continues to be very difficult after the reading of this article. Thank you.
Conclusion
Overall, the lesson is that there are many ways to stop yourself from dying, and all of them are important. Although there are certainly more ways than listed here, if you follow the directions in this wonderful resource, you will have a better chance at living like a normal person. Remember, everything listed here is important, so reach out to nitwits around you who need help too.