Trillionaire Cat Turns Over A New Leaf…And His Pathetic Child Misplaces It
Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski, the world’s first trillionaire, has been on trial many times for stealing from his son, Smudge “The Pudge” Ankowski. Recently, Inky has told the press that not only is he very, very annoyed at having to be on trial, but he is hurt on a personal level, too.
“I am wonderful,” Inky said, “and everyone knows that. But when people accuse me of stealing from my own son – well, besides being completely false, it is offensive. Smudge may be pathetic, but he is still – unfortunately – my child.”
Apparently moved by his anger at the rumors, Inky set aside some of his precious savings to buy Smudge a yacht, and not a cheap one – it was said to be worth many, many, many millions of dollars, but sold at a discount to Inky for 100,000 dollars.
“I thought buying it be a good thing to do for my son,” Inky humbly said.
The yacht was equipped with 14 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, a huge kitchen, 2 Olympic-sized swimming pools, and 4 hot tubs. Not only that, but there were over 30 people hired on board the yacht – drivers, chefs, servants, maids, and others.
When asked how he felt about the yacht, Smudge said,
“I am very surprised! I really like the giant boat! I hope my father won’t make me give him money for spending time in my boat.”
– Smudge “The Pudge” Ankowski
Smudge took the yacht out for the first time on March 6th, 2022. It was a glorious three hours, he tells the public.
Smudge docked the boat, and the next morning he went back out to check on it. And it was gone. Mysteriously, mysteriously, gone.
Smudge rushed to his father, to tell him about the missing yacht and to ask for a new one.
“I misplaced the yacht, and since my father was being so nice earlier, I figured he’d get me a new one to replace it,” Smudge said hopefully.
Inky’s real reaction was, quite honestly, the polar opposite. He was furious but not surprised at his pathetic child’s pathetic forgetfulness.
What happened to everyone on board?
One question still remains: What happened to the poor souls on board the yacht? There are a few guesses.
- They were ashamed to have anything to do with Smudge, so when the boat went missing, they all left.
- Everyone working on the yacht was a nitwit, so when the boat went missing, they went missing, too.
- If they weren’t nitwits, they were evil masterminds plotting to steal a yacht, and when they heard that clumsy Smudge was getting one, they volunteered to work on it. Then, they took advantage of Smudge’s small brain, and stole the grand boat.
If anyone has any information on the staff members on the yacht, do not hesitate to fill out this questionnaire below. Retaining any and all information could lead to the explosion of planet earth.
For an update on this important case, visit howtofornitwits.com, or click here.
