Proven Ways To Get Less Distracted Quickly
This day and age, it’s very easy to get distracted. Whether it’s something you’re reading, watching, or even making, you will almost always have something else on your mind. This can be a problem, but luckily there are many scientifically proven methods to be less distracted. I’m your reporter Ferdsy “Sorta Acceptable” Johnson, here to give you all the details!
Why do we get distracted?
For many, many, many years – some might say since the beginning of time, even – scientists have been wondering why people get distracted. Found in ancient cave paintings, are hunters trying to hunt, but then getting distracted and tragically dying. People, even as early as that time, were always wondering: Why do we get so distracted?
Scientists at the University Of Educational Stuff did a study in 2011 on just the subject, and found some very interesting results.
1. You really despise everyone and everything about everyone and everything and your subconscious is revealing that.
One of the most overwhelmingly obvious reasons for why people get so distracted is because they really despise everyone and everything. The studies conducted at the university clearly indicated that this is true.
The idea behind the reason is that, on the inside, you severely loathe everything, and so you don’t put your full attention into it. Like, for example, imagine you are thinking about a puppy, a cupcake, and your child, all while you’re supposed to be working.
Since you’re obviously distracted, you obviously hate everything and everyone, and especially the three things that distracted you. This theory has been proven again and again by many professionals.
2. Hotdogs.
The second reason proven by the scholars at The University Of Educational Stuff was one, simple word that explains everything: Hotdogs.
To fully understand this explanation, we must take a journey with the mind, body, and soul with this wonderful recording.
3. ALIENS ARE BRAINWASHING AND INVADING US!!!
This wonderful theory, first thought of by Isaac Newton in the 18th century, has pulled many ordinary people in to its persuasiveness. Finally, in 2011, scientists found the exact evidence they needed to back it up.
What the idea means is that aliens are inside our minds, telling us to do things that we would normally never do. Plus, our subconscious tells us to do the things we would normally always do, so then we’re doing many things at once, and get distracted.
Ready to finally get some concrete evidence, scientists did tests on three volunteers.
(Unfortunately, they were only able to get three volunteers due to the dangerous nature of the experiment and budget cuts.)
The first test was a brainwave one. The volunteers were asked to put on hats that transferred all thoughts and activity into a database. While wearing the hats, volunteers were asked to complete an extensive vocabulary worksheet.
Then, the scientists waited.
Soon enough, the three participants became distracted. When the scientists realized it was happening, they quickly scanned the brainwaves to see signs of alien activity.
And they found it.
“It’s really, really hard to explain,” said one scientist doing the study, Rosita Heimlich-Maneuver. “But the truth is, when you see alien activity, you just see it. And you know it’s there.” Heimlich-Maneuver did not say anything more specific.
The second test was even more exciting. Inexperienced wanna-be-surgeons got the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to dissect the three volunteers’ heads, in an attempt to find alien signals.
One student is quoted saying,
“It was really exciting! I’ve never gotten to perform surgery before, and I barely even know how to start! But even with that being the case, I got to look for signs of alien life in someone’s brain! Yipee!”
– Ronaldo Chaldo, a surgeon student at The Unversity Of Educational Stuff
One of the three surgeries went well (meaning without death occurring). This was a very pleasant surprise to everyone on the surgical team.
“I mean, I’m not gonna say we thought everyone would die,” the head wanna-be-surgeon, Cindy Yazee said. “But we’re all just really happy that only two of the surgeries occurred in death. It could be worse!”
In the one surgery that did successfully happen, there were obvious signs of alien life. For example, the scientists found a strange object inside the volunteer’s head, that looked like the picture shown below.
How to be less distracted
Now that you know why you are distracted, it’s important to know how to avoid getting distracted. Here are a few ideas:
- Buy or make a tinfoil hat that will protect your head from any alien signals
- Have your diet consist of ONLY paper towels (it’ll keep aliens away, and it’s good for the digestive system!!!)
- Paint your skin green just for fun
- Sing “Happy Birthday” at the top of your lungs 24 hours a day WITHOUT STOPPING EVER
- Visit howtofornitwits.com often!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!