Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski’s Tips And Tricks For Glory

Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski is well-known for his famous company, Luscious Richness. Because of this, many have asked him, “How are you so amazing?” and each time Inky answers with the same answer: “I’m me.” But now, the trillionaire cat has decided to do an honorable deed, and explain – really explain – how he is so glorious.

Step 1: Have Lots Of Money

“I is amazing,” Inky once said at a press conference in Washington D.C. The crowd, upon hearing his statement, burst into an applause that literally never ended. Literally. The people in that crowd are still there, clapping right now.

When interviewers asked how Inky is just so amazing, he said the usual answer, “I’m me.” And of course, this is a legitimate answer, but everyone still wanted to learn more.

“To be amazing,” Inky finally said, “you must have lots of money. Like me!”

After hearing his advice, many people rushed to take action on it, without really knowing how. In other words, it was chaos.

“Everyone was running around, stealing stuff, grabbing random things that they saw and trying to sell it to everyone…it was a mess,” said Lulu Yozak, owner of “Measly Weasley,” a cafe nearby.

After the chaos was settled, Inky realized that the general public could not be trusted with matters of money. He is quoted saying,

“I am glorious, but not everyone is. It takes a lot of effort for a trillionaire like me to teach normal people anything.”

– Inky “Sir Wonderful” Ankowski

Step 2: Eat Tuna

In a similar interview, Inky declared that, to be wonderful, one must eat a healthy diet. Tuna, he proclaimed, was the answer.

Desperate to be like the famous trillionaire, tuna, potatoes, and others of Inky’s favorite foods were quickly taken from every shelf, until none could be found in any grocery store across the country – and after only two days, the world, too.

Mabel Sawyer, an employee at one of the grocery stores hit the hardest, is here to tell us what happened.

“Nitwits,” she said, “are everywhere. And when one of ’em starts thinking, hey, maybe I can be super awesome, nothing good can happen.”

Mabel’s grocery store, and others like it, were mostly robbed from – as nitwits do not know how to make money and therefore do not know how to spend money.

Yet again, Inky’s attempt at helping everyone failed. But Inky, being as glorious as he is, would not let himself give up in the face of one obstacle.

Step 3: Be Superior

Inky’s third piece of advice is to always be superior. No matter what you’re doing, be the best at it.

After his third announcement, there was seemingly no terrible result like with the other two. In fact, it seemed like nitwits were acting a little less nitwit-ish.

That is, until Friday.

On Friday, February 18th, 2022, World War III began. Although some especially ignorant people did not hear about it immediately, the vast majority of the population are already prepared for battle. The government, news stations, and hotdog stands, on the other hand, are denying any such war, and attempting to hide it from anyone and everyone.

But what happened?

It is believed that, after Inky’s big announcement about superiority, everyone was planning their own way to be the best – which resulted in World War III.

Inky’s Conclusion

While the world is attempting to stop this war, Inky came to an incredibly intelligent conclusion – one that only someone as great as him could’ve come up with.

“People will never be as glorious as me,” he said, “but you can give me lots of money and tuna if it makes you feel better.”