Coyote vs. Squirrel – One Town’s Race For Mayor

Furfman’s Infamous Legacy

Furfman was elected in 2010. During his first term, he made many unpopular decisions, his most infamous of which was buying the city park, public pool, city library, and local candy store by using his connections to the government. He then used his newly-acquired property as a squirrel hunting ground.

Furfman is believed to have bribed much of the population into voting for him, as he did for the next two reelections he was in. By now, though, citizens have caught on.

“Furfman really is a terrible person,” said Patty Smith, owner of Patty’s Sweets and Treats, a bakery in Springle. “In the past few months, I think everyone has come together in agreement.”

By January 11th of 2022, Furfman was suddenly greatly disadvantaged. The election had started, and it seemed that all the citizens were united against him.

Furfman publicly announced that his vote was going to the best candidate who liked him the most.

More Candidates Quit

After Furfman dropped out of the running, three of the seven people left suddenly dropped out too. Garcia Gloppenhaus, who has been running for mayor for more than ten years, was one of them.

“I know, some people might say I shouldn’t have dropped out, should’ve kept going,” Gloppenhaus said. “But really, I have no interest in becoming mayor! None! I just wanted to make sure Furfman didn’t get the position again. So once he left, I was outta there!”

With only four candidates left, the city held a debate. Because Furfman bought the city park, and almost all other public areas, the debate was held inconveniently in the street.

The Debate

“It was too stressful,” he said. “I really wanted to win, but I didn’t like the idea of going into the street! And I didn’t think I was going to win anyway.”

Johnson dropped out on the spot. When the debate started up again, only three candidates remained.

At the end of the debate, the citizens would vote. This vote would not be the final vote – but the top two candidates that got the most votes would move on. The one with the least would lose.

The citizens went to vote, and by the end of the night it became very clear who would have to leave: Sherbert McMillan. Surprisingly, she got only twenty votes.

This left two strong candidates, but not the type you might be picturing. In fact, the candidates were both animals: a squirrel and a coyote.

Meet The Candidates

The squirrel, affectionately named Fuzzy McFuzzbrain, is a survivor of the many squirrel hunting grounds put in place by Furfman. His story is a powerful one, and he is especially counting on squirrels’ votes in the upcoming election.

“McFuzzbrain may be my name, but my brain sure ain’t fuzzy!”

– Fuzzy McFuzzbrain

The other candidate was a coyote named Snap Steller. Steller was one of the only true supporters of Furfman. She worked as his campaign manager and was devastated when he chose to resign.

“I believe that all of his actions were very helpful to the community,” Steller said, with help from a coyote-translator. “I wish that Furfman never quit, but since he did, I guess I do see it as an opportunity to run myself.”

In response to realizing he was in the final two, McFuzzbrain said, “I just really can’t believe it! Being in the top two left in the running is a big deal!” Being an animal awareness champion, he was also very excited for other reasons. “I think it’s good that one of us will be the mayor,” he said.

Hearing the news, though, Steller had different thoughts. “To me, one competitor left for me to beat is just as bad as ten,” she said. “I’m very competitive, I guess.”

A Horrible Tragedy Occurs

As citizens lined up to vote, a horrible tragedy occurred.

The candidates and their translators were standing on the stage of City Hall during the voting. Just as the first few people went to vote, there was a cry from onstage. McFuzzbrain’s translator was pointing wildly at Steller.

Steller was suddenly the only candidate on the stage. McFuzzbrain was missing.

“At first, we had no idea where he went,” Vincent Chaldo, who was watching at the time, said. “Like, seriously, we were all like, ‘Dude, what happened?’ But only the translators, like, knew or whatever, and they weren’t sayin’ a thing.”

After only a minute, it became clear. Snap Steller the coyote had eaten Fuzzy McFuzzbrain the squirrel.

What Happened?

Steller refuses to do any interviews on the topic. Her translator, family, and friends have apologized profusely on her behalf, but Steller herself has yet to say anything.

“Really, it must’ve just been animal instinct,” says Steller’s sister, Marge Steller. “I’m sure she’s very sorry, she really didn’t mean to. I know it.”

“I don’t know what to think, honestly,” Vincent Chaldo said after leaving City Hall. “I mean, it’s good that Furfman’s gone, ‘cuz that dude was bad news. But, like, what if our new mayor is a crazy murderer?”

Many citizens have thoughts similar to Chaldo’s.

“I was going to vote for McFuzzbrain,” said Elizabeth Simply, another citizen. “I thought, even before McFuzzbrain’s death, that Steller wasn’t the best for our city, since she supported Furfman and all.”

Springle, Idaho’s New Mayor

For now, at least, Snap Steller has been announced mayor. While most citizens are not very excited about this prospect, Steller’s translator has promised that there will be no more episodes like the one at the debate in the future.

Steller’s trial and any other Springle news will be reported on. Just keep checking in on your favorite website, howtofornitwits.com!